Part 9: Why Prayer Really Matters

Participating in God’s Loving Rule

In early November of last year, my world changed in forty-eight hours.

My mom had already spent more than a year fighting for her life. She had undergone a double lung transplant that we hoped would give her another ten to fifteen years. Instead, the doctors discovered cancer in the very lungs she had just received. They told us she could be dying—and perhaps within six weeks.

Two days later, my sixteen-year-old son was diagnosed with three separate conditions: a brain tumor, a brain aneurysm, and a Chiari malformation. We were told that if the aneurysm had progressed too far, or if the tumor proved to be malignant, his condition could become life-threatening.

In the span of two days, I found myself praying for both my mother and my son.

Not polite prayers.

Not theological prayers.

The kind of prayers that rise from somewhere deeper than words.

I prayed for healing.

I prayed for miracles.

I prayed because I loved them.

Those two days forced me to confront a question I could no longer answer as an abstract theological exercise.

If God really is Love… why pray?

If God already knows everything…

If His character never changes…

If He is already perfectly loving…

What difference could my prayers possibly make?

That question is one of the reasons this entire series exists.

But if you have followed these articles from the beginning, you already know why I could not begin with prayer.

Prayer is not where the story starts.

John tells us where it starts.

“God is Agape.”

Everything else follows from that.

And if that is true, then prayer itself must ultimately be understood through the reality that God is Love.

The Question Beneath Every Prayer

Most Christians have probably never stopped to consider what they are actually assuming every time they pray.

When we ask God to heal…

When we ask Him to provide…

When we ask Him to intervene…

What are we actually saying?

Surely we are not saying that God is reluctant to love until we convince Him otherwise.

Surely we are not saying that He has overlooked something we have now brought to His attention.

Jesus Himself tells us,

“Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” (Matthew 6:8)

So why ask?

That question has puzzled Christians for centuries.

But I believe everything we have discovered throughout this series naturally leads us toward an answer.

If God is Agape…

then every action God ever takes is already an expression of perfect love.

Prayer, therefore, cannot be about persuading God to become more loving.

He already is.

That means something remarkable follows.

The very act of praying assumes that perfect love possesses more than one faithful possibility.

If there were only one eternally fixed loving response available to God in every circumstance, then asking Him to act differently would make no sense at all.

But throughout this series we have repeatedly seen the opposite.

Love is not mechanical.

Love is creative.

Love is relational.

Love is free.

Perfect love does not collapse every situation into one unavoidable response.

It opens countless faithful possibilities.

That has been true of everything we have discussed.

Freedom.

Providence.

Prophecy.

Sovereignty.

Now we arrive at prayer.

Prayer is not asking God to become loving.

Prayer is participating in the loving possibilities God is freely considering.

Relationship Before Participation

Before Scripture ever presents prayer as participation, it presents it as relationship.

This is one of the most important patterns in the entire Bible.

God does not first create workers.

He creates children.

He does not first build an organization.

He builds a family.

Only then does He invite His children into the family business.

Prayer follows that same pattern.

Before prayer changes anything around us…

it changes something within us.

Jesus illustrates this perfectly.

No one trusted the Father more completely than Jesus.

Yet no one prayed more.

Again and again He withdrew to lonely places.

He spent entire nights alone with the Father.

Why?

Surely not because the Father needed information.

Nor because Jesus needed to persuade the Father to become more loving.

Prayer was communion.

Relationship.

Participation flowing out of love already shared.

That may seem obvious, but it is one of the most overlooked truths in all of Scripture.

Before prayer is asking…

Before prayer is seeking…

Before prayer is interceding…

Before prayer is partnering with God in His Kingdom…

Prayer is first coming into the presence of Someone who loves us.

That should not surprise us.

If God truly is Agape, then relationship is not merely something He does.

Relationship is who He is.

This reality is woven throughout the whole biblical story.

Think about the deepest, healthiest relationship you have ever known.

For some, the first person who comes to mind is a loving father.

For others, it is a devoted mother.

Others think immediately of a husband or wife.

Some think of a brother or sister.

Others picture a trusted friend.

Scripture does something remarkable.

It gathers every one of those relationships and uses them to describe God and Christ’s relationship with us.

God is our Father.

Christ is the Bridegroom who loves us (the church) as His bride.

Through Christ we become sons and daughters of the Father and brothers and sisters with one another and even with Christ himself (see Romans 8:29)

Jesus even tells His disciples,

“I do not call you servants… Instead, I have called you friends.” (John 15:15)

The point is not merely that God resembles these relationships.

The point is that every healthy earthly relationship is itself a reflection of the relationship God has always desired to have with His people.

Every glimpse of faithful fatherhood…

Every act of sacrificial motherhood…

Every healthy marriage…

Every loyal friendship…

Every loving family…

Each one echoes something true about the God who is Love.

Once that reality is seen, something else suddenly comes into focus.

When Jesus teaches His disciples to pray, He could have begun almost anywhere.

He could have taught them to pray,

“O Almighty God…”

“O Holy One…”

“O Righteous Judge…”

“O King of Heaven…”

Every one of those titles is true.

God is powerful.

He is perfectly holy.

He is infinitely wise.

He is the righteous Judge of all the earth.

Yet Jesus deliberately begins somewhere else.

“Our Father in heaven…”

That is not accidental.

Before the prayer speaks of God’s power, it speaks of relationship.

Before it speaks of His Kingdom, it speaks of His family.

Before it asks God to act, it reminds us who God is.

Jesus teaches us to approach God first through His most defining self-revelation—not merely as the Almighty, but as our Father.

That is exactly what we should expect if the foundation of reality is not power but Agape.

Only after we have remembered who He is do we pray,

“Your kingdom come.
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.”

The order matters.

Relationship comes first.

Participation comes second.

We do not pray in order to convince a reluctant God to care.

We pray because our loving Father has invited His children into the family business.

That is why prayer is so much more than making requests.

It is the joyful privilege of children who know they are loved, welcomed into the wisdom of their Father’s Kingdom, and invited to participate in the loving work He is already accomplishing in the world.

Everything else we have said about prayer flows naturally from that single reality. God is not first looking for advisers.

He is first raising sons and daughters.

And it is as sons and daughters that we are invited to participate in His loving rule.

Because only those who know the Father’s heart can faithfully share in the Father’s work.

Relationship always comes before participation.

Communion always comes before co-ruling.

The Divine Council Continues

In the previous article we discovered that God’s sovereignty is revealed not by refusing to share authority but by joyfully sharing it.

The Divine Council beautifully illustrates that reality.

Again and again Scripture portrays God governing in the presence of His heavenly council.

Not because He lacks wisdom.

Not because He needs advice.

But because love delights in shared participation.

That observation carries an implication I had never considered until working through this series.

If there were only one eternally perfect response to every situation…

why invite a council at all?

The all-wise God would already know the only possible loving action.

Deliberation would become unnecessary.

Yet Scripture repeatedly portrays God inviting participation.

Not because He needs information.

But because love is generous.

Love enjoys shared wisdom.

Love welcomes creativity.

Love delights in inviting others to participate in His purposes.

Prayer is the earthly expression of that heavenly reality.

When we pray, we are not interrupting heaven’s government.

We are being invited into it.

Abraham and Moses

This pattern appears repeatedly throughout Scripture.

Before judging Sodom, God says,

“Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do?” (Genesis 18:17)

Then He invites Abraham into the conversation.

Abraham pleads.

Questions.

Intercedes.

The conversation is real.

The participation is real.

Likewise, after Israel worships the golden calf, Moses intercedes for the people.

He appeals to God’s promises.

He appeals to God’s character.

Then Scripture says,

“The Lord relented…” (Exodus 32:14)

Whatever mysteries surround that passage, one thing is unmistakable.

Moses was not pretending.

His prayer genuinely mattered.

Not because he changed God’s character.

But because God had invited him into His loving governance of Israel.

Jesus Teaches Us to Persist

Jesus deepens this understanding.

He repeatedly tells His followers to:

Ask.

Seek.

Knock.

Then He tells one of His most surprising parables.

A persistent widow continually pleads with an unjust judge until he finally grants her request.

Jesus is obviously not saying God resembles the unjust judge.

The comparison works in the opposite direction.

If persistence can move an unjust ruler…

how much more does your loving Father welcome the persistent prayers of His children?

Luke tells us exactly why Jesus gave the parable.

“So that they should always pray and not give up.” (Luke 18:1)

That only makes sense if prayer genuinely participates in God’s loving work.

Love Has More Than One Faithful Possibility

At this point, the entire series comes together.

If God is Agape…

then everything God does is loving.

That has never been in question.

The question has been something different.

How does perfect love choose among a multitude of loving possibilities?

That is precisely where prayer finds its place.

When I pray for healing, I am not saying,

“God, please become more loving.”

Nor am I saying,

“God, you have overlooked the obvious answer.”

Rather, I am saying,

“Father, because I trust that every action You take is motivated by perfect love, I bring before You one loving possibility that I long to see become reality.”

Healing is loving.

Comfort is loving.

Patience is loving.

Deliverance is loving.

Sometimes even allowing someone to enter fully into His presence may be loving, painful though that reality is for those of us left behind.

Prayer is our participation in that holy conversation.

Paul Understood This

Paul himself seems to understand this mystery.

Writing from prison he says,

“My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.” (Philippians 1:23-24)

Notice what Paul recognizes.

Both possibilities are loving.

Remaining would bless the churches.

Departing would bring him into Christ’s presence.

Neither outcome contradicts God’s love.

God’s wisdom freely determines which loving purpose best serves His Kingdom.

The same pattern appears throughout the New Testament.

Peter is miraculously delivered from prison.

James is executed.

Throughout history, Christians have prayed for persecuted believers.

Sometimes prison doors open.

Sometimes martyrs faithfully enter the presence of Christ.

Neither outcome means God loved one person more than another.

The God of Agape remains the same in both.

His loving purposes are simply larger than any one earthly moment.

Why I Still Pray

Several months have now passed since those frightening days in November.

My mom was not healed.

She died in December.

I still miss her deeply. If there was any one person who most helped forge me into who I am, it was my mom.

If there was any one in the world who saw the world the way I do, who could relate to me, who understood me it was my mom.

If there was anyone I could call when life got hard or I didn’t know what to do and that I could trust would understand and love me, it was my mom.

She was that person to me and I wish every day she were still here with me.

Grief does not disappear simply because we believe in the resurrection.

At the same time, my son’s story unfolded very differently.

His tumor and aneurysm proved to be benign.

His surgery was successful, correcting the Chiari malformation.

Today he is doing well.

One prayer ended the way I desperately hoped.

One did not.

Yet I believe both prayers mattered.

Both were heard.

Both brought me into deeper communion with the Father.

Both allowed me to participate in the loving governance of God.

Not because I changed His character.

But because He graciously invited me into His heart.

During the past few years I have served as a hospital and hospice chaplain.

Almost every day I stand beside another deathbed.

Almost every day I pray for healing.

Sometimes healing comes.

Sometimes it does not.

But I never pray believing I must persuade God to care.

I pray because He has already revealed that He is Agape.

I pray because He invites His children into relationship.

And from that relationship…

He invites us into participation.

The Family Business

That brings us back to where the last article ended.

God has always been raising children who could one day share the family business.

Prayer is one of the first ways we begin learning how.

We learn to love what the Father loves.

To grieve what grieves Him.

To rejoice in what brings Him joy.

To seek His Kingdom.

To join His work.

Prayer is not informing God.

Prayer is not manipulating God.

Prayer is not convincing God to become loving.

Prayer is the joyful privilege of participating in the loving reign of the God who is Agape.

It is communion that blossoms into participation.

Relationship that matures into co-ruling.

The Father inviting His children into the family business.

Which brings us naturally to one final question.

If God truly is Agape…

If every action He takes is motivated by perfect love…

If He genuinely invites us to participate in His loving governance through prayer…

Then why does He permit a world where those prayers are so often necessary in the first place?

Why does the God who is Love allow evil and suffering?

That is where we turn next.